My Biggest Fear
by DashaBelikova
Summary: BP spoilers. She's felt something with her everywhere since leaving Russia, even in her dreams. Its only a matter of time before Dimitri shows up. They’re all in the cabin one night when Rose has to face her biggest fear. Summarys not great, storys better


The chaos that followed Dimitri's entrance to the cabin was like nothing I had ever seen a single Strigoi do. It was without a doubt the hardest battle I had ever fought, even with Eddie and Christians help.

In a way, we were lucky that his single-mindedness had driven him here-it had given his fight a purpose. If he had been going after anyone else but me, I would without a doubt be standing in a very horrific scene, and in a sad, twisted kind of way, I was glad that I was the only one that he truly wanted to kill. If anyone else was hurt or killed tonight, it would be all my fault.

How I was ever able to restrain him, I don't know. How we were ever able to bind him down, well, that was a miracle. But I could see that there was a part of him fighting the monster he had become. A part of him was waging an internal battle; I could see that piece of who he really was behind those red-rimmed eyes.

"Rose!" the agony in Dimitri's scream was clear, "Rose, let me go! Get out of here! Now!"

"Not without you." Why couldn't he understand that?

I could see Lissa, Christian, and Adrian along the far wall, Christian focused on the barrier of fire he had formed around Dimitri. Beside me, Eddie's muscles were rigidly tense, preparing for a fight.

But then I felt it again-that warm feeling like someone was watching over my shoulder, protecting me-and it was all the motivation I needed.

"Rose, there is nothing for you to take! The person you want is dead! I should be dead!"

And then it all snapped together for me-

_ I should be dead. _

I should be dead. Lissa had brought me back to life, made me shadow-kissed. That could have happened because my soul hadn't left the spirit world; Lissa had taken it back when she had healed me.

The dreams. The warm, protected feeling…they were the same thing. It was Dimitri's soul. He had said he would never abandon me, and he never had.

So that meant-

"Uh, Rose."

I had lost touch with the world for a moment. It was Lissa who had spoken, her panic flooding into me thru the bond.

"Adrian, bring him back." My voice sounded dead. Maybe Lissa wouldn't, but Adrian would help me.

His expression was blank until he finally understood what I was asking; then he backed further against the wall. "I can't do that! He's been Strigoi for months, and I don't even know if it's possible! It was just a theory!"

"Adrian, you know you can do it! I know that you can! Please, Adrian! Please!"

Water ran down my cheek and I realized that I was crying. Dimitri was thrashing in his restraints, and I noticed that Christian's flame had died down. Whatever we had to do we had to do quickly.

"Please! I can feel his soul! You can heal him! You can!"

Dimitri slowed his thrashing and looked at me with something between rage and confusion.

"I can't hold this for much longer." Christian grunted from across the room.

"Adrian!" I could barley speak through my desperation. Adrian could see that.

"I…..." he gave a heavy sigh and turned to Lissa, "I can't do it alone."

All of the blood drained from her already pale face. "What! No, no I can't! We can't do that!"

Dimitri had had enough, "What are you talking about!"

My Dimitri was fading fast, the monster taking hold and his eyes becoming more feral by the minute.

"Lissa, I have never asked you for anything like this in my life, just, just save him! Please! Please do this for me!" I sank to my knees on the cold floor, my legs too weak to support the heaviness in my torso.

If I had to walk away from this night having killed Dimitri, then I would surely kill myself. I had been trying to prepare for this for months, knew that it was coming, and had even thought I'd done this before, but now that I was here-that Dimitri was in front of me-I didn't know if I had it in me. It was different this time.

I had tried to convince myself that I didn't believe the spirit healing could work, but it was a lie. I was trying to protect myself. Now I had allowed myself to hope, and if we tried and failed…..well, I didn't know if I could do this and walk away okay. Maybe I would end up like Anna after all.

Through the bond, Lissa's indecision was clear. She wanted me to be happy, but she didn't know if it was right to try and bring him back. She thought it was playing God.

Adrian grabbed her hand, "We can do this, cousin. This is the right thing to do, and you know it." Sincerity burned behind his forest green eyes, and I couldn't believe that he was the same guy I had once thought so little of. He was willing to sacrifice his own heart in order to save mine.

Lissa squeezed her eyes shut for a second and took a hesitant step tords Dimitri, still holding onto Adrian. "I…I don't know if I can keep control," her eyes flashed to me and back to Dimitri. "I don't know what it will do…" She was worried about what could happen to me when she used that much power. She was genuinely scared. "Can you feel his….his soul?"

That surprised me, but of course Lissa would understand. She had probably figured it out a long time ago. "Stronger than anything in this entire room," When I said this, as if in confirmation, the feeling grew stronger. "He's here, Lis."

The fire was dying rapidly, and Eddie moved into a readied crouch.

Adrian and Lissa moved so that they were both on opposite sides of Dimitri, Eddie keeping close behind.

When they approached, he let out a savage scream and his attempts to escape intensified. "Get out of here! Get away from me!"

They each put a hand on his chest and continued holding the other, as if they could share their magic.

I had never seen Adrian so nervous. "Are you ready?" I could have sworn his hands were shaking. How Christian was keeping the low fire from burning them, I didn't know.

Lissa gave a sheepish nod and turned to Eddie, "I need you to go stand with Christian. I don't know what's going to happen, but if something goes wrong, you don't need to be close when it does."

He looked like he was going to protest leaving two Moroi so close to a Strigoi, but when he saw my face he simply nodded and walked off.

"And Rose," the intensity of her gaze was staggering, "no matter what happens, you have to stay in control."

The small part of me that still had the ability to think thought that this was horribly ironic. She was telling me to keep control while she was saving Dimitri when he had told me the same thing so many times to save myself.

Adrian took a deep breath. Through all of this Dimitri had been yelling and struggling to break free. "Get a good hold on his soul, Rose."

Then I felt the heat of Lissa's magic build inside her, and it was like I could see the aura around them like Adrian could.

Dimitri could too, and the life in the magic surrounding him was like acid to his body. I had never heard a more terrifying yell in my entire life, but it didn't even faze them; the depth of their concentration too strong.

And then suddenly, Adrian said "Now."

And then all hell broke loose.

Their magic poured into Dimitri, and he let out a blood-curtaling scream that made Eddie and Christian jump.

I felt them pulling his warm spirit away from me, and didn't understand how they kept their hands on Dimitri while he was kicking and punching to break free.

Christian's fire was nearly out, we were loosing our advantages, and Dimitri knew that behind his yells.

Then the darkness in Lissa's magic came.

It hit harder than any other, and she faltered for a second. I couldn't let her stop. If she stopped, then this was all for nothing.

I let her darkness drown me. The room spun in sickly ways. I felt like I was falling into a dark pit, black dots forming patterns in front of my eyes; but I never let Dimitri's soul go.

They continued to heal him, and the darkness kept lashing against me in waves. It felt like my head would explode at any second, and I almost wished that it would. Ghosts began swimming across my vision, but they couldn't go near the glow of Lissa and Adrian's magic.

Dimitri's agonizing screams were almost worse than any of it. Part of me thought of shoving them away from him, just to stop the pain in his voice.

But then everything stopped.

The screaming, the pain. The warmth of his soul left me, and Adrian and Lissa stood across from each other staring at Dimitri's body.

He laid still, eyes closed, almost as if he were asleep.

I rouse from my crouch and carefully walked towards them.

"Is he-," I couldn't even finish the sentence. If they told me this was all for nothing, then I wouldn't be alive either. He looked almost peaceful.

His chest wasn't moving. "No…"

Around the room nobody moved, nobody breathed. The fire was long gone and, had we been human, we wouldn't have been able to see a thing.

I wished that I couldn't. I couldn't look at this. I turned my back to them and put my hand on the stake at my hip.

_ It was all for nothing._

"Rose," Lissa's voice was small and drained.

"No," The rage from the darkness was eating away inside me; my control slipping.

"Rose, turn around." It was an order in her voice, not a request.

I spun to scream, and then-

His eyes opened.

Eddie ran to Lissa's side and knocked her out of the way.

Dimitri glanced around the room and tried to sit up. Then his eyes fell on me. They were beautiful and dark and expressive. They were my Dimitri's eyes- there was no mistaking that. He didn't struggle, he didn't move, he just stared, taking quick shallow breaths.

This couldn't be real-it was too good to be true. I couldn't let myself believe this.

Adrian broke the silence. "Dimitri…."

His head snapped up to him, then looked back to me.

I had to be dreaming again. I couldn't let myself believe this. It would hurt too much to know it wasn't real. It wasn't-

"Roza," was all he said.

That was all that I needed.

I threw myself on him and told Eddie to break his bindings. I was crying, and as soon as he was able, Dimitri wrapped his arms around me and kissed me with such love it took my breath away. I buried my face into his chest and listened to his heart's steady beat.

"You saved me, Roza. You saved my soul." He whispered into my hair.

I couldn't let go of him. I couldn't even speak; he was really back. My Dimitri. Dhampir, not Strigoi. He was mine again. He was all mine.


End file.
